The poor today are pathetic. I mean, they're really, really bad. See, over the years, there's been a push to give poor people the lifestyles of a pseudo-lower middle class. Unfortunately, when we started doing so, the poor lost a certain je ne sais quoi , a style, a culture that distinctly identified them and gave them a certain flair, and haunted their children with memories that we never will shake. I miss polyester. I mean, if slacks can't throw sparks when rubbed together in t...
(Disclaimer for the humour impaired: While the following may be sharp, it is nonetheless a satire, not intended to be taken seriously by anyone.) A splinter Baptist Group has now decided that Compassion is not a Godly trait, and are at work retranslating the Bible to prove their case. The Baptist United Ministries voted 453-2 in their annual convention to combat the teaching that compassion, love, and kindness are Godly traits, and instead emphasize more heavily on the carnal sins, which, ...
I hate the RIAA as a general rule. But it has come to my attention that the RIAA serves a valid purpose, one that it is not generally filling. This article is a plea for officials from the RIAA to step in and police in an area where they are badly needed. See, if the RIAA is going to protect a copyright, it should also work to protect the integrity of the piece. As an art museum would protect an artist's work from defacement, the RIAA should protect the work of its artists. There are some son...
With Saddam Hussein's body freshly decomposing in the Bagdad soil, I felt it was not to soon to shamelessly capitalize on the death of the Iraqi dictator. And since I could not come up with something original fast enough to beat the OTHER vultures to the corpse (and because it's easier to work with a tune you already know), I reworked Bob Dylan's song "The Hurricane". OK, so it's not perfectly accurate (but neither, frankly, was Dylan's ode), but it's fast, and hopefully will garner me much, muc...
I demand a recount! Recent news reported that the Ohio anti-smoking amendment passed by 75% of the popular vote. But news reports, and politicians, will not tell the TRUE story here. And the truth, in this case, could set smokers free. You see, there are 7.85 million registered voters in the state of Ohio. of those 7.85 million voters, the anti-smoking amendment got about 75% of the votes cast. But since voter turnout hovered just below 50%, that means that in reality, the antismoking amen...
I have spent many a sleepless night since the demotion of pluto from planet status (OK, not really...but it's much more dramatic than saying "They killed Pluto! You BASTARDS!"). But I HAVE wondered, as a homeschooling father, how to rectify this demotion in the minds of my children. The oldest two have been taught that pluto was a planet, and, while they've heard the news, I'm afraid they've been indoctrinated to the "old ways" of thinking. That, and I'm not really ready to give Pluto up mys...
I hate "mommy blogs". In a recent article on a most UN-mommy blog, the writer was posing the question about mommy blogs. They could not remember where the comment came up, but the estrogen poured over those responses like water down the Colorado in flood season. Therefore, I MUST defend my honor in the light of these (horrible, I tells ya!) accusations. And so, this article is dedicated to those mommy bloggers (disclaimer: I am NOT referring to TW, dharma, angela, loca, or any of the JU re...
(With apologies to Janis): "Oh George, woncha buy me a Mercedes Benz The rich all drive Porsches, I must make amends I bummed all I can off my family and friends So, George woncha buy me a Mercedes Benz" "Oh, George woncha buy me an HDTV This ol' Sanyo set just ain't doin' it for me, If the picture were clearer I think I'd be free So, George, woncha buy me an HDTV?" "Oh, George, woncha buy me my next whiskey round My life is so rotten, my sorrows...
From the "You can't make this stuff up!" Department: Link Every once in awhile, there comes a time when we all must step up; when we all must give of ourselves for a greater cause to help our fellowman. This is not one of those times. Dustin Diamond, the distinguished child actor, whose numerous credits include "Saved by the Bell", and, umm, "Saved by the Bell: the college years", is in trouble of losing his house. His Port Washington, Wisconsin home is in danger of bein...
When Jeff Mortensen came home one day last November, he was in a less than cordial mood. He had received a call from school about his son's bullying behavior, for the fourth time, and he was at a loss to explain how it happened. The family had always taught their children to love and respect others. Jeff shortly received an explanation that satisfied him. As he entered the home, he heard the hard driving metal soundtrack of another of his son's PS2 games. He immediately removed the console an...
With apologies to Cheap Trick, here's my comments on the current CSPI suit against KFC (for more info, see terpfan's blog): The food police, say "don't you eat that white bread". The food police, say "trans fats will knock you dead". The food police, theyre coming to arrest me, oh no. You know that talk is cheap, and those rumors aint nice. And when I open my fridge I dont think Ill survive the night, the night. cause theyre waiting for me. Theyre look...
EA, the popular video game manufacturer, announced today a release of a new game in the video game market of its popular "Need for Speed" series. "Need for Speed: Hybrid Edition" will hit the shelves in time for the Christmas holidays, according to industry analysts, and will feature hybrid autos powering along the city streets at 45 MPH. Extra points will be given for fuel conservation and points will be subtracted for jackrabbit starts, racing the engine in idle, and other harmful wastes on...
Pardon the belated nature of this, but it is an appropriate foreword to my next thread: We're a movin' on up, (We're a movin on up.) To the east side. (Mo-vin on up.) To a de-luxe apartment, In the sky-. Mo-vin' on up (Mo-vin on up.) To the east side, (Mo-vin on up.) We finally got a big fat bribe Put that cash in the kitchen I'll cast my vote for your bill It just takes a couple Banjamins to get my vote on the hill Now we're up in the big leagues, Get...
It's the dawning of a new day. Apparently, some 30 people in Nigeria have all selected me to move their money to America via my bank account! What an honor! Along with the various offers for viagra and numerous marriage proposals (related? Naaaah, I'd figure a woman would be looking for a mate who DIDN'T need chemical assistance to perform), are the multiple emails written in Cyrillic characters. I have no idea what they say, but if the person had to send it off so quickly they couldn't bothe...
My favorite "news" source, the Onion, Link , reveals that McDonald's has joined the outlet mall trend, bu offering "Not quite perfect" menu items such as fish McGriddles and their Fruit and Pickle salad. While it would be natural to dismiss this little tidbit based on the source, let's remember they did eerily predict Gillette's five blade razor!