OK, sorry...one of those "inspired by another blog title" posts. Please note it is humor and I do not mean to disparage the many noble homeless people out there. Ups: *All it takes to put that "sparkle" back in her eye is a bottle of mad dog *"Dinner and a movie" is as cheap as standing in line at the mission and watching the crackwhore fight with her pimp from the fire escape outside of apartment 3B. *Toofless women are great at fellatio; no obstacles *You don't have to worry about ...
OK, sorry...one of those "inspired by another blog title" posts. Please note it is humor and I do not mean to disparage the many noble homeless people out there. Ups: *All it takes to put that "sparkle" back in her eye is a bottle of mad dog *"Dinner and a movie" is as cheap as standing in line at the mission and watching the crackwhore fight with her pimp from the fire escape outside of apartment 3B. *Toofless women are great at fellatio; no obstacles *You don't have to worry about ...
As the 2004 presidential election nears, I can only hope that the 2000 election fiasco rears its ugly head again. Allow me to explain. After the results were inconclusive from the 2000 election, I took it upon myself to decide that, absent a president-elect, there should be an interim presidential elect. This person should: 1) Be a person who actually ran for president in some capacity 2) Be a person grossly unqualified for the office (so there would be no problem in stepping down when...
As the 2004 presidential election nears, I can only hope that the 2000 election fiasco rears its ugly head again. Allow me to explain. After the results were inconclusive from the 2000 election, I took it upon myself to decide that, absent a president-elect, there should be an interim presidential elect. This person should: 1) Be a person who actually ran for president in some capacity 2) Be a person grossly unqualified for the office (so there would be no problem in stepping down when...
OK, folks, in the words of Dave Barry, I swear I am not making this up. Members of Devizes cricket club in Wiltshire, England were quite surprised when a rabbit burst out of a pile of rubbish they had been burning and bolted, aflame, into their equipment shed, lighting the shed on fire and destroying equipment worth 60,000 pounds ($110,000). Firefighters arrived on the scene to extinguish the blaze and found the rabbit's skeleton inside the destroyed shed. signing off, Gideon MacL...
OK, folks, in the words of Dave Barry, I swear I am not making this up. Members of Devizes cricket club in Wiltshire, England were quite surprised when a rabbit burst out of a pile of rubbish they had been burning and bolted, aflame, into their equipment shed, lighting the shed on fire and destroying equipment worth 60,000 pounds ($110,000). Firefighters arrived on the scene to extinguish the blaze and found the rabbit's skeleton inside the destroyed shed. signing off, Gideon MacL...
I am a huge fan of the Darwin Awards, and pulled this little tidbit off their website: In Sheffield, England, in 2002, Kim Fontana, 32, and Paul Cowley, 40, decided the walk to their respective flats was a bit too long for them to fulfill their amorous intentions. So, they found a road outside the pub where the streetlight had gone out that provided the perfect cover of darkness. Despite three warnings -- one from a paramedic, one from a car driver, and another from a pedestrian, the co...
I am a huge fan of the Darwin Awards, and pulled this little tidbit off their website: In Sheffield, England, in 2002, Kim Fontana, 32, and Paul Cowley, 40, decided the walk to their respective flats was a bit too long for them to fulfill their amorous intentions. So, they found a road outside the pub where the streetlight had gone out that provided the perfect cover of darkness. Despite three warnings -- one from a paramedic, one from a car driver, and another from a pedestrian, the co...
I am developing what I feel could be the next novel treatment for hypertension. I call it "flex therapy". It works along the same lines as causing your muscles to relax by contracting, then releasing. The premise is that you cause a person's blood pressure to shoot up sky high over and over again so that over time, the pressure tends to trend downward. I am advancing this theory using the following methods: *sending name and address on "I would like to know more about your faith" to all...
I am developing what I feel could be the next novel treatment for hypertension. I call it "flex therapy". It works along the same lines as causing your muscles to relax by contracting, then releasing. The premise is that you cause a person's blood pressure to shoot up sky high over and over again so that over time, the pressure tends to trend downward. I am advancing this theory using the following methods: *sending name and address on "I would like to know more about your faith" to all...
*You can give wrong directions if someone asks because you know they're never going to see you again *People believe any bit of trivia you tell them, no matter how inanely ridiculous *Pointing out "Stars" can distract someone you pissed off long enough for you to make your getaway ("Look! It's Ben Affleck!") *The junk you couldn't sell at last month's rummage sale can be recycled and passed off as trinkets once belonging to a major celebrity...at ten times the price *Tourists' autos are ...
*You can give wrong directions if someone asks because you know they're never going to see you again *People believe any bit of trivia you tell them, no matter how inanely ridiculous *Pointing out "Stars" can distract someone you pissed off long enough for you to make your getaway ("Look! It's Ben Affleck!") *The junk you couldn't sell at last month's rummage sale can be recycled and passed off as trinkets once belonging to a major celebrity...at ten times the price *Tourists' autos are ...
Yahoo's "Oddly enough" section has picked up on an offer of a "Lordship" for the Holidays in the article below. Well, I can't think of a batter gift for that special someone. Wouldn't mind a lordship myself. But, as I'm bent on the papacy, I'm thinking that whole church/state thing might come into play. Become a Lord for 29.99 Mon Dec 13,10:16 AM ET Oddly Enough - Reuters LONDON (Reuters) - The British aristocracy has long been an exclusive c...
Yahoo's "Oddly enough" section has picked up on an offer of a "Lordship" for the Holidays in the article below. Well, I can't think of a batter gift for that special someone. Wouldn't mind a lordship myself. But, as I'm bent on the papacy, I'm thinking that whole church/state thing might come into play. Become a Lord for 29.99 Mon Dec 13,10:16 AM ET Oddly Enough - Reuters LONDON (Reuters) - The British aristocracy has long been an exclusive c...
I'm not quite 35 (until May), but it is stalking at my doorstep, and I was contemplating the advantages of 35, and thought I would post this before my feeble grey matter starts to deteriorate further. So, here's the list I came up with: --Outlived Jesus Christ, Alexander the Great, Chris Farley, John Belushi, Janis Joplib, Jimi Hendrix -- and accomplished much, much less. --365 days from being too old to enlist in the Army on a drunken bar bet --will officially be no more than 80 millio...