I hate "mommy blogs".
In a recent article on a most UN-mommy blog, the writer was posing the question about mommy blogs. They could not remember where the comment came up, but the estrogen poured over those responses like water down the Colorado in flood season. Therefore, I MUST defend my honor in the light of these (horrible, I tells ya!) accusations.
And so, this article is dedicated to those mommy bloggers (disclaimer: I am NOT referring to TW, dharma, angela, loca, or any of the JU regs...do a little surfing on BlogExplosion and you'll eventually see EXACTLY what I'm talking about):
- Sure, your kid's cute. But the harsh reality is, they may not remain so. I can send some "before" and "after pics" of me at age 4 and at age 36 to drive my point home emphatically
- A kindergarten graduation's nothing to celebrate, and you should seriously be smacked upside the head with a funnoodle if you're celebrating a preschool graduation, let alone if you think it's important enough to make into an extensive blog article. I mean, seriously, think about it!
- Every child's a "genius" at age 5. Wait a few years, till their brains get rotted out with repeated viewings of "Camp Lazlo". If they're still normal, be happy.
- Your child knocking the ball 3 feet forward off of the tee is NOT something to alert the major league scouts about.
- Drool is not cute. Ever. If it were, people would be lined up around the block to work in nursing homes.
- If you tell me about the child that's graduating valedictorian, you may only do so if you don't omit the child I saw on the freeway chase on the interstate last week.
- I really, really do not care about the color or consistency of your child's poo. The initials "TMI" cover it nicely (incidentally, I still do not care about the color or consistency of said poo when it is smeared on the living room wall just before the pastor comes for dinner). Poo is not cute, ever, either. See the comments two items above.
- Halloween costumes and Santa hats are always cool. Always. I'll give a lot of leeway for those.
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