It's the dawning of a new day. Apparently, some 30 people in Nigeria have all selected me to move their money to America via my bank account! What an honor! Along with the various offers for viagra and numerous marriage proposals (related? Naaaah, I'd figure a woman would be looking for a mate who DIDN'T need chemical assistance to perform), are the multiple emails written in Cyrillic characters. I have no idea what they say, but if the person had to send it off so quickly they couldn't bothe...
My favorite "news" source, the Onion, Link , reveals that McDonald's has joined the outlet mall trend, bu offering "Not quite perfect" menu items such as fish McGriddles and their Fruit and Pickle salad. While it would be natural to dismiss this little tidbit based on the source, let's remember they did eerily predict Gillette's five blade razor!
Jinny Robot Monster found a good website promoting the ice planet Hoth (if you're a Star Wars geek, you don't need an explanation. If you're not, you wouldn't understand it anyway) to host the 2014 Winter Olympics ( Link ). I have another suggestion: One continent has been consistently overlooked by the IOC, and that is the continent of Antarctica. Antarctica is the perfect choice, as it is internationally claimed, and has an abundance of ice and snow so that our athletes can do their thing....
Link Dug this one outta the archives. Have fun with it, folks.
As I attempt to grow and develop as a writer, I've come to realize I need a few "gimmicks". Virtually every major pundit has them. Since the "War on Christmas" gimmick worked so well for Bill O'Reilly and other pundits, I felt it necessary to wage my own "war". Easter is still some time away, and I'm afraind I will have a hard time getting an exclusive franchise on that one. I'm sure the buzzards will be back, especially as "Spring" (not Easter) break comes about, despite the fact that THAT ...
Hillary Clinton was being driven in her limo in upstate New York. As they drove along the rural roads, her driver accidentally struck a cow. Hillary was concerned, and asked the driver to go to the nearby farmhouse and inform them of the incident, and reimburse them, if need be. An hour quickly passed as the busy senator made calls to various lobbyists, and soon her driver came staggering out to the car with a box of expensive cigars, a half finshed bottle of fine wine, and the hickies all aroun...
For the uninitiated, here's the article that keyed this off: ( Link ). Apparently, MM's a crappy tipper despite his portrayal of himself as "defender of the everyman": 10. I just got off the plane and didn't get a chance to convert my money from Euro's 9. I left a lottery ticket with it; it worked for Nick Cage's character in that movie! 8. Halliburton stole it! 7. Too much Moo shoo, not enough pork. 6. Left all my cash in the GString of the stripper at the club; she was the only...
WARNING: I put this under "humor", and must warn readers that it's decidedly dark humour before they proceed. But I DO want all readers to understand that this is meant for satirical purposes only, and that if you have lost a loved one to violent crime, this is not meant to ridicule or minimize your grief. In an article ( Link ) that got too little attention for the subject matter, Locamama described a situation where a hanged woman was overlooked by passersby who thought it was a Halloween ...
OK, OK, OK....yahoo! News has crossed the line here! After reading the following news item Link , I could only think of John Cleese and Michael Palin's "ex-parrot" sketch (although, alas, this comp isn't allowing me to right click on pictures so I can post one here; if anyone wishes to dig one up for me in the "comments" section, I'd be much obliged). The damn bird had to be a Limey too! Sick Bastards!
OK, so I'm walking through WalMart today in search of last minute costume necessities for tonight's play. I walk through the action aisle full of (HALLOWEEN Cakes?!?!?), and there, lo and behold, on the main display was a Halloween gingerbread house kit. Now, mind you, I do appreciate the Christmas ginerbread house kit. Ginerbread houses at Christmas time are a time honored tradition, and these kits are a godsend to those of us too aesthetically challenged to produce such a masterpiece on our...
I admit to a certain degree of "creative liberties" with my resume, but never to the point of implying qualifications for a job I couldn't handle. The fact is, I ask myself what job skills a job requires, and have I done substantially similar work to what I would be required to do on that job? Then, I cater my job description to the set of job skills required. That being said, here are a few job descriptions I DON'T use, but are not entirely wrong: (Paper Carrier): Media Distribution S...
I've decided it's time for gid to cash in on the gravy train of Middle Eastern politics. My first order of business will be to manufacture urinals with the American flag emblazoned on them for middle easterners who can't stand America to make a statement without the use of heavy explosives. I will then send them some "Free Abu Jamal" Tshirts, which I can probably order wholesale (libs won't mind, as it will provide badly needed press for the release of one of their favorite cop killers, and the ...
OK, I'm asking for your creative juices here to suggest blog titles God might write (for you atheists, just play along, k?). Here's my starter list: Jerry Falwell said WHAT? I'm SO Embarrassed News to Muslims: The 70 virgin thing ain't happenin' For THIS I sent my son to die? Only Monty Python got it right...It's CHEESEMAKERS, dammit! CHEESEMAKERS! Pranks I played on gullible holy rollers Insider stock tips for the faithful (Custom audience) I'd love to hear your ideas as well!
Got the inspiration for this off of serenity's blog: Fly a plane solo across the country Parachute into the Grand Canyon Put together a really BAD band for a "battle of bands" competition, but have a lot of "seeds" in the audience to talk us up and scream loudly when we're playing. Make up a faux celebrity name (complete with webpage) and "crash" a high roller's nightclub with full entourage Whap Ryan Seacrest with a Nerf Bat Whap whoever put his star on the Hollywood walk of fame with...
The old state mottos are tired and worn. It's time for some new state mottos, and here are a few I'm proposing (some are lifted from other sources, most are mine): Wisconsin: Smell our Dairy Air Nevada: When California falls into the ocean, we'll be beachfront property, baby! Arkansas: Someone has to be 50th in education Ohio: Our National Guard hasn't shot a student in 35 years Indiana: "More than Corn in Indiana" my ASS! Georgia: Our wide open spaces are bigger than Ted Turne...