The journey from there to here
Gideon MacLeish's Articles In Humor » Page 9
May 26, 2005 by Gideon MacLeish
Got the inspiration for this off of serenity's blog: Fly a plane solo across the country Parachute into the Grand Canyon Put together a really BAD band for a "battle of bands" competition, but have a lot of "seeds" in the audience to talk us up and scream loudly when we're playing. Make up a faux celebrity name (complete with webpage) and "crash" a high roller's nightclub with full entourage Whap Ryan Seacrest with a Nerf Bat Whap whoever put his star on the Hollywood walk of fame with...
May 26, 2005 by Gideon MacLeish
Got the inspiration for this off of serenity's blog: Fly a plane solo across the country Parachute into the Grand Canyon Put together a really BAD band for a "battle of bands" competition, but have a lot of "seeds" in the audience to talk us up and scream loudly when we're playing. Make up a faux celebrity name (complete with webpage) and "crash" a high roller's nightclub with full entourage Whap Ryan Seacrest with a Nerf Bat Whap whoever put his star on the Hollywood walk of fame with...
May 10, 2005 by Gideon MacLeish
The old state mottos are tired and worn. It's time for some new state mottos, and here are a few I'm proposing (some are lifted from other sources, most are mine): Wisconsin: Smell our Dairy Air Nevada: When California falls into the ocean, we'll be beachfront property, baby! Arkansas: Someone has to be 50th in education Ohio: Our National Guard hasn't shot a student in 35 years Indiana: "More than Corn in Indiana" my ASS! Georgia: Our wide open spaces are bigger than Ted Turne...
May 10, 2005 by Gideon MacLeish
The old state mottos are tired and worn. It's time for some new state mottos, and here are a few I'm proposing (some are lifted from other sources, most are mine): Wisconsin: Smell our Dairy Air Nevada: When California falls into the ocean, we'll be beachfront property, baby! Arkansas: Someone has to be 50th in education Ohio: Our National Guard hasn't shot a student in 35 years Indiana: "More than Corn in Indiana" my ASS! Georgia: Our wide open spaces are bigger than Ted Turne...
May 4, 2005 by Gideon MacLeish
I have discovered something that will make me FILTHY RICH! There's a key to being a successful talk show host, and it has nothing to do with program content or guests. It has to do with having a featured member of your show be completely bald. Let's begin our discussion by looking at Oprah's longtime psychologist Dr. Phil: OK, exhibit B is none other than David Letterman's longtime band leader, Paul Shaeffer: Need more? How about Jerry Springer's security man, Steve? ...
May 4, 2005 by Gideon MacLeish
I have discovered something that will make me FILTHY RICH! There's a key to being a successful talk show host, and it has nothing to do with program content or guests. It has to do with having a featured member of your show be completely bald. Let's begin our discussion by looking at Oprah's longtime psychologist Dr. Phil: OK, exhibit B is none other than David Letterman's longtime band leader, Paul Shaeffer: Need more? How about Jerry Springer's security man, Steve? ...
April 29, 2005 by Gideon MacLeish
For those who know me, I have long desired to procure myself a popemobile. I came close to buying one 5 years ago (well, actually, I SAW one, and was only $249,986.57 away from the purchase price, but in national budget terms, that's only a small amount...but I digress). So I nearly jumped out of my seat (and gained the attention of the nazi librarian) when I saw Yahoo's news story on "popemobile" for sale. Turns out it was only Ratzinger's used Volkswagon. Come on, people, you just don...
April 29, 2005 by Gideon MacLeish
For those who know me, I have long desired to procure myself a popemobile. I came close to buying one 5 years ago (well, actually, I SAW one, and was only $249,986.57 away from the purchase price, but in national budget terms, that's only a small amount...but I digress). So I nearly jumped out of my seat (and gained the attention of the nazi librarian) when I saw Yahoo's news story on "popemobile" for sale. Turns out it was only Ratzinger's used Volkswagon. Come on, people, you just don...
April 23, 2005 by Gideon MacLeish
http://www.humanforsale.com " title="How much am I worth?">I am worth $1,855,390.00 on HumanForSale.com Any takers?
April 23, 2005 by Gideon MacLeish
http://www.humanforsale.com " title="How much am I worth?">I am worth $1,855,390.00 on HumanForSale.com Any takers?
April 19, 2005 by Gideon MacLeish
Well,this is a disappointment I am sure I share with Gene Nash. Sadly, the conclave of cardinals did not select me as pope, a move that will force me to reevaluate my employment options. Maybe I'll have to reconsider the presidential run in 2008.
April 19, 2005 by Gideon MacLeish
Well,this is a disappointment I am sure I share with Gene Nash. Sadly, the conclave of cardinals did not select me as pope, a move that will force me to reevaluate my employment options. Maybe I'll have to reconsider the presidential run in 2008.
April 19, 2005 by Gideon MacLeish
Well,the EPA has done its job. In the last 15 years in the US,only one species has become extinct.But I believe it is time for the EPA to change its guidelines, and,to whit, I propose the following changes: Anything that is an insect or arachnid doesn't get to be on the endangered list Anything that is a rodent doesn't get to be on the endangered list For the purposes of these guidelines, pigeons are categorized as insects For the purposes of these guidelines, deer are categorized as rod...
April 19, 2005 by Gideon MacLeish
Well,the EPA has done its job. In the last 15 years in the US,only one species has become extinct.But I believe it is time for the EPA to change its guidelines, and,to whit, I propose the following changes: Anything that is an insect or arachnid doesn't get to be on the endangered list Anything that is a rodent doesn't get to be on the endangered list For the purposes of these guidelines, pigeons are categorized as insects For the purposes of these guidelines, deer are categorized as rod...
March 23, 2005 by Gideon MacLeish
This from Yahoo's "Oddly Enough" news: Apparently, scientists at MIT have developed a new alarm clock, dubbed "clocky". This clock will sound its alarm, then,after the snooze button is pressed, will roll off the table and to another part of the room, forcing the sleepyhead to get out of bed just to FIND the durn thing! My advice: better make clocky with a titanium shell or make it awfully cheap,because there are gonna be a lotta broken "clockies" within a few days of their commercial relea...