Alcoholics Anonymous and the Cult of Victimhood

Published on December 18, 2005 By Gideon MacLeish In Misc

Some time ago, LW blogged about AA as a "faith healing" organization. I wanted to link to that article as inspiration, but I couldn't find the link (if you find it, feel welcome to link it here).

I believe AA has done far worse than that. I believe that AA is one of the agents that has brought about our culture of "victimhood"; a culture that is slowly destroying us as a country.

I lived most of the first 33 years of my life as a victim. My actions were always the fault of a bad upbringing, of physical and/or mental limitations, of the people around me. I had grown up in an AA minded culture, and the fact that I was "powerless" over these things and dependent upon a higher power to "rescue" me was a central component of my thinking. This was driven home in the various churches I attended at the time; all I needed was enough "faith" and no action on my part, and redemption was mine.

I remember the moment my awakening came like it was yesterday. I was on the phone with my father, listening to the same verbal abuse, the same belittling and condescending attitude he had used on me from the cradle. It occured to me suddenly that I didn't HAVE to take this, that by simply hanging up the phone I could be rid of that particular influence forever. I hung up the phone, wrote a letter that never got sent, had a good cry and haven't looked back since. Sometimes I miss my father, but I don't miss the chains that relationship entails.

A look around us shows how widespread the cult of victimhood has become. Murderers are no longer murderers, they are "victims of a racist upbringing"; terrorists are no longer terrorists, they are "sincere but misguided victims of manipulative leaders"; robbers and thieves are victims of capitalism. And it all stems from the same philosophy that drives organizations such as AA.

It took me 33 years to realize I was only a victim if I allowed myself to be. That I and I alone am responsible for my success or failure in this life, and that if I don't like my circumstances, I have the power to change it. To realize that it wasn't years of abuse but rather my own self indulgence that caused me to eat those extra few thousand calories. To realize that I only have a right to the PURSUIT of happiness; that the actual possession of such is my own responsibility. Hopefully one day a few more folks will realize those same facts.

Comments (Page 1)

dharmagrl

on Dec 18, 2005

I have always had HUGE issues with the AA 12-step program. I just got done reading a book about a man's addiction, and he suggested something that I have long suspected to be true - that addicts in rehab sometimes substitute God for their substance of choice.

I had a hard time with it simply becuase I didn't have a higher power. I was told time and again that I would fail, that I would relapse because I wasn't working the steps. I haven't.

Personally, I think that if you are astute enough to recognize the root cause of your problem then you have a responsibility to fix said problem. It's not good enough to say 'I'm emotionally distant and physically cold because my dad didn't hug me as a child' and leave it at that, giving yourself permission to play the eternal victim. You HAVE to break that cycle of victimhood, you have an obligation to change your behaviours and STOP being the victim of your circumstance.

Gideon MacLeish

on Dec 18, 2005

I had a hard time with it simply becuase I didn't have a higher power. I was told time and again that I would fail, that I would relapse because I wasn't working the steps. I haven't.

I tried OA, but stalled at the step where I was expected to contact everyone I had hurt and make amends. It's not that I didn't want to, mind you, but some closed doors are best kept closed...you know what I mean?

dharmagrl

on Dec 18, 2005

stalled at the step where I was expected to contact everyone I had hurt and make amends. It's not that I didn't want to, mind you, but some closed doors are best kept closed...you know what I mean?

I Know EXACTLY what you mean. There are things in my past that took me YEARS to deal with, to close the door on. To open those doors again....that would be a devastating mistake.

ParaTed2k

on Dec 18, 2005

Once again it's all about "Victim=Respect". If you admit to your weaknesses and can explain them using someone else's name, then you can be "respected" for overcoming them.

Of course, once you have overcome your weakness, if you don't continue to claim it as a weakness, then you lose the respect... so there's got to be a good way to keep getting the respect... so you have to make sure you're never really "over" the weakness.

Somehow in our culture, weakness has become worthy of respect and strength has become something looked down upon. If I say that alcohol isn't even a temptation for me, it's often taken as a challenge to get me to drink. However, if I said that I don't drink because I'm a recovering alcoholic, then I am "respected" for it.

If two people go through the same trial, one makes it through without breaking a sweat, but the other struggles through every second of it... who gets the most respect, the one whose strength was never challenged... or the weaker one who had to struggle? Of course, the weaker one does deserve respect, overcoming the struggle is definitely worthy of respect... but the stronger one deserves respect too (but rarely gets it).

I've known a lot of people who did get a lot of help through AA, so I'm not ready to trash the organization completely, but their methods are almost an institutionalization of "Victim = Respect".

As for our dependence on God, of course we are! However, if all we had to do was sit back and "let go... let God" then there would be absolutely NO purpose to our lives. I prefer to think of God being there for us "after all we can do". In other words, we are supposed to turn to God for help (as that shows faith in Him), but if we aren't willing to do what we can towards our goals and our growth, how much faith do we have?

The Bible I read says, "faith without works is dead", not "you can't do it anyway, so once you've accepted that you're loser, turn to God".

KFC Kickin For Christ

on Dec 18, 2005

all I needed was enough "faith" and no action on my part, and redemption was mine

I believe this is so true and you have got good advice here. The word here is "redemption". We do nothing to earn or buy this. It's a free gift from God. But our faith even comes from God. it's not from us. Faith is just the means to get us to him...sort of like a ladder that reaches to heaven. God gives us what we need to even believe in him.

faith without works is dead", not "you can't do it anyway, so once you've accepted that you're loser, turn to God".

Not sure what you're saying here. But James is saying here that works is evidence of our faith. We are known by our works. it doesn't save us but is evidence that we have accepted that free gift of redemption. No way could we work "enough" to gain admittance to heaven. Besides...Christ already paid the price and did the work for us.

I agree that Alcoholism is a sin. It's a choice. It's not a sickness as the world likes to say. But a sin that involves our free choice to make. It doesn't happen to us. We choose to indulge. And we always reap what we sow.

Have you ever heard of "Most Excellent Way?" It's a program that starts up where AA leaves off. But it's for any addiction at all. Anything that gets in the way of living a normal life, not necessarily just drugs and alcohol. Pornography is a very common addiction as well and a destroyer of marriages and families.

We have this program in our church. There is one in Poland and CA but I'm not sure how widespread it is. But I've seen great success in this program. It basically introduces them to the God that is aluded to in AA. And the support system is unlike any other. The leaders in our group expect to be woken up in the middle of the night if needed even encouraging any that need to do. Anything to keep them from their addictions, whatever it is.

The leaders are those that have struggled in the past with their own addictions and have won the battle. Who else knows what these people are going thru but the ones that have been there themselves.

ParaTed2k

on Dec 18, 2005

KFC, Gid's article was about overcoming the weaknesses we face in life, not eternal salvation. My answer was in that context.

bakerstreet

on Dec 19, 2005

I think one thing that is overlooked here is who the addicted is "relient" on. In a godless vaccuum, I'd agree with Gideon. Making people perpetual victim of their own limitation breeds futility. AA, on the other hand, teaches that you don't HAVE to be the victim, since you have God on which to rely.

So, if AA was saying that you need to be reliant on the state, or live as a perpetual failure and rely on your neighbors, I'd agree. They don't, though. At most they ask that you become part of a group and lend a hand to keep one another straight, which to me is a good thing. In the end it is the alcoholic overcoming his addiction with the help of his peers and God. How you can find fault with that I'll never know.

Millions have been helped by AA, it gives people the support they need. It doesn't help everyone, but feel free to show me other alcohol rehabilitation programs that do.

bakerstreet

on Dec 19, 2005

Heh, so, um, you're saying that you defeated your drinking problem by deciding it wasn't a problem? Please don't take this the wrong way, but do you think it would be as easy for someone with a 9-5 job and kids to take care of, etc.? Guilt is easy to throw away when you are only hurting yourself.

Having known two people who literally drank themselves into their graves, I don't think your experience is universal, whip. Not everyone just knocks back "a couple". Some people end up knocking back the whole bottle and drowning in their own puke. \

Frankly, to the ones they leave behind, no amount of nagging or Bible thumping is too much as long as it grants the possibility of not losing the people they love.

dharmagrl

on Dec 19, 2005

In the end it is the alcoholic overcoming his addiction with the help of his peers and God. How you can find fault with that I'll never know.

Have you been to rehab, Baker? I don't know that you can fully understand the reasons AA fails until you've worked the steps yourself. If you fail, it's YOUR fault because you weren't working the program right.

AA isn't as successful as you might think. A conservative failure rate would be approximately 95%, and some people think even higher Link

Of the people I went through rehab with and still are in touch with, only 2 have managed to not fall into the pit of addiction again. Me, and a guy who had a successful business in the last town I lived in. Of the rest...1 is dead (DUI accident) 2 are in prison (1 got tired of having a buy her meth so she decided to make her own and the other stole someone's car and purse in a drunken stupor and went off on a joyriding spending spree before getting caught and assaulting a cop in their effort to escape) and the last one has lurched from dysfunctional relationship to dysfuntional relationship. She's had her kids removed from her care by DSS and has an uncanny ability to fall for men who like to hit her.

Like I said....it's not as great as you might think. I'm sorry that you've had to witness the ravages of alcoholism, btw; I know how frustrating that can be.

bakerstreet

on Dec 19, 2005

"Have you been to rehab, Baker?"

Nope, but I know people who have come out of AA and never had another drink. Are you saying because it fails for some people that it is bogus? If so, there is no rehabilitation program that isn't bogus...

"If alcoholism is truly a disease, then we need to recognize that and search for a real cure, and quit blaming the patient when our efforts at faith healing fall flat on their face."

And in the meantime... what? If AA works for some people, why throw out the baby with the bathwater? No, it isn't for everyone, but what is?

Moderateman

on Dec 19, 2005

as someone that needed rehab and a 12 step program to get it together I soon realized that most there were being sober and clean for clean and sobers sake. This was not something I wanted I got clean and sober to LIVE life at its fullest not to stay clean and sober for its own sake.

Dr Guy

on Dec 19, 2005

This was not something I wanted I got clean and sober to LIVE life at its fullest not to stay clean and sober for its own sake.

That is an amazing insight! Thanks for sharing it. And have a cookie on me.

dharmagrl

on Dec 19, 2005

Are you saying because it fails for some people that it is bogus?

Nope, not at all. I'm simply saying that it's the equivalent of a huge guilt trip for some folks (if you fail to stay sober it's YOUR fault because YOU didn't workmthe program properly or hard enough), is replacing one addiction for another for others (alcohol/drugs for God and religion), and for still more it's nothing more than a place to boast about how much you drank or took even though you're supposed to abstain from that stuff.

I HATED meetings. Nobody I knew took them seriously, it was just a place to talk about how you relapsed and how stoned/drunk you were and have people feel sorry for you because you fell off the wagon.

So, I stopped going. I stopped feeling guilty for being an addict, I stopped feeling dirty and ashamed, I stopped hanging around with people who talked about drugs and booze all the time, and I went off and lived my life. I have the occasional drink, and of course I take pain meds - I HAVE to. The alternative isn't bearable. I'll put it this way - I have bottles of whiskey, rum, vodka and bourbon in my house that have been there since last Christmas, and I haven't touched them. I have narcotics for my back in the medicine cabinet, and I take them as I need to for pain, and ONLY for pain. I'm managing my situation MY way, and it's working. Had I still been going to NA/AA I'd have been made to feel so guilty for having those substances in the house that I'd have ended up beating myself up for having them. I refuse to feel like that, I refuse to be the perpetual victim.

I manage it in my own way, much like Sabrina manages it in her own way. AA might work for some people, but I know as many people who it didn't work for.

bakerstreet

on Dec 19, 2005

I think you are confusing scientology with Christian Science, LW.

My point is, and has been, in the absense of programs that do a better job, what? Small towns generally don't have a Betty Ford clinic. Dharma can say that it is just replacing one addiction with another, but that is her opinion of God and religion, it isn't universal by any means.

To carry LW's analogy forward, so IF only 5% are helped, screw the 5% and close it down? Why? That's akin to declaring religion "false hope" and saying churches should be closed. Perhaps the money WOULD be better spent looking for a cure, but in the meantime that 5% is left hanging by someone telling them that since AA doesn't work 100% of the time, the money spent trying to help them is wasted?

What happens when it takes 100 years to find a cure? Can' you imagine what that 5% adds up to? How many lives are changed for the better?

Isn't that like saying since chemo has a 5% chance of working someone shouldn't bother trying it? To me, if someone is actually trying to fix a problem you shouldn't really create roadblocks for them unless you can replace it with something better. Frankly, declaring your problem isn't a problem isn't a good fix for those destined to die or ruin other's lives.

Gideon MacLeish

on Dec 19, 2005

Baker,

Please help me understand how looking up the names of everyone I've had contact with in the past and apologizing to them for the "hurt" I caused helps me? Especially when in my case (overeating) the person who was hurt was ME.

I explained in a previous article about "toxic relationships". I believe those relationshiops to best be avoided. The AA (or, in my case, OA) approach demands that I reopen those old wounds.

I'm not writing AA off altogether. I AM saying that when it creates the cult of victimhood (which it often does) it's a BAD thing. A horribly, irredeemably bad thing.

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!