I have very little contact with my "natural" family. I haven't spoken with my father in over two years, or my mother in over a year. While the "trendy" thing to do would be to contact them in one way or another, I realized some time ago that what I need to do is get on with my life.

You see, some relationships in our lvies are toxic. They are a poison best avoided for our own mental well being. Just as a person can get addicted to a drug, alcohol, or gambling, a person can get addicted to a relationship. In my case, my addiction was fueled by my desire as a Christian to make peace with everyone, under the erroneous assumption that those people would be just as inclined to want to make peace with me.

About two years ago, however, I started realizing what was happening. Those relationships were draining the energy out of me, leaving me feeling caustic and bitter after contact rather than fulfilled and refreshed. A phone conversation with my father was nothing more than a thinly veiled putdown session with me as the central figure.

Like most people, however, I WANTED to be happy, I YEARNED inner peace with an indescribable hunger. It was only after some honest, intense soul searching that I realized that the chief obstacle to inner peace was the relationships I was fighting so hard to forge.

In that search, I realized that forgiveness and reconciliation are two different acts. You can forgive without reconciling, and you can reconcile without forgiving.

I'm a long way from where I would like to be as far as being totally at peace with myself. But I'm a lot closer than I was, now that I realize maintaining toxic relationships is not required for inner happiness and tranquility.