OK, so I'm walking through WalMart today in search of last minute costume necessities for tonight's play. I walk through the action aisle full of (HALLOWEEN Cakes?!?!?), and there, lo and behold, on the main display was a Halloween gingerbread house kit.

Now, mind you, I do appreciate the Christmas ginerbread house kit. Ginerbread houses at Christmas time are a time honored tradition, and these kits are a godsend to those of us too aesthetically challenged to produce such a masterpiece on our own ("wanna PITCH on the roof? OK, I'll cut it here...and here....and there's yer steenking PITCH!!! What's THAT? You wanna CHIMNEY too? HUH? Santa doesn't NEED to go through the roof, silly! There's nothing INSIDE but a little frosting!!! Use MY imagination? Use YOUR imagination, it looks close enough to a house, by golly!) But I have never, EVER felt the urge to construct a gingerbread house for Halloween. It just, well, it doesn't seem right. And besides, we really oughtn't repeat last year's icing fiasco TWICE this year! (That's ALL I will say on that subject, on the advice of my attorney and the local volunteer fire department, who were NOT amused!)

But see, this is the tool of the evil empire of the crass commericalists. This year it's a gingerbread house. Next year, it will be a lifesize display of Jack Skellington for the rooftops. And where will it stop?

Before you know it, we'll be a nation full of year round displays for Kwanzaa, MLK Day, President's Day, and Martha Stewart's Birthday, among other inane holidays. Our houses will no longer be our homes, they will be 150,000 watt showcases that will ensure that never, ever, are we free from excessive lighting and noise pollution caused by muzak quality holiday themed tunes.

And when the aliens come to take over, they'll laugh themselves silly at our absurdity, and high tail it back to the mother planet, never to return again.