Honesty...is Such a Lonely Word!

Published on May 18, 2005 By Gideon MacLeish In Personal Relationships

A recent blog article plus some particular events of the last several months have led me to evaluate what is truly important in a friendship. When everything's taken into consideration, honesty trumps them all.

Don't get me wrong; I don't hate someone who is deceitful. Frankly, I don't hate ANYONE as a person in general. But when their actions show them to be other than the person they presented, there's a credibility gap there that can't easily be fixed.

You see, lying to a "friend" is the ultimate "f$%^ you!" It tells the "friend" that you don't regard them as a friend, but rather are using them solely for what they have to offer you. Dishonesty isn't as simple as an outright lie; it's a lifestyle, and one that becomes self evident over time. It can be as simple as a pattern of lies but as complex as manipulation, control, or any number of other variables.

The good news is, a relationship CAN be remedied by the offender, IF the offender truly regrets what they did. The words "I'm sorry" when properly stated, can mean a lot.

Comments

Reiki-House

on May 18, 2005

While I understand what you're saying I don't really go along with it. And I'm the king of honesty here. When it comes to public life, if you swear some kind of oath to society or something like that, honesty is paramount and to me mandatory. But if it deals entirely with personal matters, if it involves friends and aquaintances in your life, honesty isn't always the best route to take. For example, a politician supposedly represents the people in his assigned area. He goes to the people and meets with them, telling them his agenda should he win the election, what he will do for them and their families. That is a public case which holds that person to a higher level of morality. He or she should (but rarely are) be held accountable for their actions. On the other hand, if you have a personal friend, and she asks you whether you think her 210 pound, five foot one inch body looks fat, being honest isn't going to help anything or anybody in that scenario. So a tiny lie is acceptable if it spares someone's hurt feelings or if you use it to quickly change the subject. "Reiki, do I look fat in this tiny bikini?"....."No gee nice clouds today"...
And it's more than true that honesty is a lonely word. Especially when it involves the gullible and witless.

Gideon MacLeish

on May 18, 2005

Reiki,

That's why I mentioned that dishonesty isn't as simple as an outright lie. See, when you say they look good in the bikini, it's a lie, not outright dishonesty. If, however, the bikini revealed some rather sensitive areas, you MIGHT want to tactfully point that out...even if they WANT such sensitive areas revealed, they should at least be aware they're revealing them.

No, I'm talking about people whose entire life is a lie, who routinely and habitually lie to people they call friends.

dharmagrl

on May 18, 2005

Dishonesty isn't as simple as an outright lie; it's a lifestyle, and one that becomes self evident over time.

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.

I'm a terrible liar, according to my husband. Besides, my memory is'nt good enough.

Moderateman

on May 18, 2005

I lived dishonestly for many years gid, honesty is always the best way to go, but I avoid BRUTAL honesty as much as possible.

example the 210 pound girl asks does this bikini make me look fat?.. my answer would be, "maybe you want to think about a differant choice in bathing suits"

Texas Wahine

on May 18, 2005

You know, I'm kind of weird about honesty. I crave honesty...it's so important to me to know the truth...the complete, brutal truth...and yet at the same time, I'm terrified of it.

I have kept relationships with people who have lied to me and hurt me again and again...things are never the same. A part of the friendship is killed. It's cliché, but the old saying, "once bitten, twice shy" really holds true. There will always be an atmosphere of worry and mistrust in the friendship...having a relationship with someone who lies to you ultimately gives you the feeling that they are not concerned with what's best for you...only what's best for themselves...and so when times are hard, you don't have that safe and secure feeling that that friend is someone you can go to and trust because you know inside that they will screw you over in a heartbeat.

Then again, sometimes a pretty little lie goes down much easier than the truth. The truth can be very painful.

foreverserenity

on May 19, 2005

Then again, sometimes a pretty little lie goes down much easier than the truth. The truth can be very painful.

This is true in some respects. But being honest is definately the best way to go.

Dynosoar

on May 19, 2005

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