In a recent article, sushik pressed for a national ban on pitbulls. When I responded with legitimate responses, he responded with rude sarcasm and incredible condescension. His "opus" was a fictional letter to a "Mrs. Jones" satirizing my response as to the absurdity of his proposed laws.

So, I did a little research of my own, and I, too, have a letter for Mrs. Jones:

Dear Mrs. Jones,

Thank you for convincing us of the need to ban dogs in this country. Because all dogs bite, the pit bull legislation has led to an outright ban on canines and we are making great progress in euthanizing the canines that remain. While some owners are resistant, rest assured, we have BATF agents surrounding the house, and these evildoers will be brought to justice to prevent the 10 to 20 dog bite deaths that occur in the United States.

It has, however, come to our attention that you have electricity wired to your house. We will be cutting your power as of midnight tonight to protect you from the fact that 700 deaths are attributed to electrical fires per year, and 550 deaths are attributed to electrocution. Your safety is our utmost concern.

We notice, however, that you live in Oklahoma. This is known as "tornado alley" and as you are well aware, about 70 deaths per year are attributed directly to tornadoes. We have taken the liberty of putting your house up for sale and relocating you to an underground shelter in the Nevada desert, where you have minimal risk of seismic activity or flooding to cause your early demise.

There is, however, the possibility of a cave in. Come to think of it, Mrs. Jones, the only way we can remove you from any worry of premature, unnecessary death is to euthanize you in as humane a way as possible. Please come by our office at 8:00 am, and we will present you with several options.

Remember, your safety is our utmost concern

(statistics gleaned from the National Weather service at www.weather.gov, www.goodpooch.com, and www.ussartf.com)