The journey from there to here

A couple of recent blogs prompted this one. The blogs centered around the frustration of parents in dealing with their children, and, in one case, the accusation that Terri Schiavo (referred in the past by that poster as "that bitch!") was entirely responsible for her own death.

The thing that struck me as a common thread in all of those blogs is that they don't understand the impact of a good, honest friendship. They also had limited understanding of what it i like to deal with chronic mental illness.

Many credible psychologists have made the statement that if everyone had one truly GOOD friend, there would be no need for psychologists. By "good friend", they obviously meant someone who had a close friendship with the individual and was willing to not only speak the honest, hard truth when it needs to be spoken, but to reach out to the individual with emotional and physical needs when the situation requires it.

Sadly, such friends are extremely rare in this day and age. We've become a "me first" society that is all too willing to appropriate the responsibilities of friendship to a government agency that is unfeeling and uncaring. We can then shift blame when the response is wrong.

Churches, likewise, have become business enterprises with 501(c)3 protection. They pander to their audiences and work to fill the pews, with little real regard for the individual. In many of these churches (dubbed "megachurches" and "gigachurches"), the congregation is fortunate if they've ever shaken the hand of the pastor, and the counselling, once considered the responsibility of a pastor, is now delegated, often at some cost, to businessmen with a philosophy that's friendly to, but not necessarily centered around, the faith of the particular church (something the Bible refers to as "serving mammon", but as this is not a religious blog, following that thread would be a major tangent).

In short, friendship has become a luxury of the fortunate, and not a right of the individual. Liberals wishing to improve the inner city rarely take time to visit the inner city, and, with rare exception, an analysis of their friends is highly unlikely to include ANY of the individuals they profess a wish to "help". In short,they won't muddy their hands with these people. Conservatives are equally to blame, but without the hypocrisy and pretense of "sympathizing with these individuals".

What we need, then, is to spend more time building friendships, especially to those we are inclined to dislike. We don't need to "wallow in their filth", so to speak, but maybe if we work a little harder to truly get to know these individuals, we can make the world a better place for both ourselves AND them. This is especially true where single mothers are concerned. While I have known mothers who have abused the kindness of friends by leaving their children for days at a time while they party till the cows come home, I know at least an equal number of single mothers who have tried to endure on their own and have made inappropriate decisions because they were, quite simply,exhausted.  A true friendship would center around being honest to the former group and finding ways to teach responsibility, and assisting the latter group in any way one can.

Most problems that come about are very complex, and cannot be fairly analyzed with a superficial approach. They're usually more difficult than we realize. Only by reaching out and becoming friends can we truly begin to understand the situation, and, by doing so, can liberate the world, one person at a time.

But stop asking the government to do it for you.


Comments
on Apr 14, 2005
You've oversimplified mental illness greatly. All problems can't be solved by having a shiny, happy, friend to bake brownies with and make everything OK. That might work on the Care Bear show, but not in the real world.

Now. Friends are great. They make life infinitely better. But they don't cure everything.

on Apr 14, 2005

Myrrander,

You miss the point, methinks. Friendship is not about "baking brownies". It's more about getting a kick in the arse when you need it, and a hug when you need THAT.

Frankly, I think we in the US have developed an addiction to the mental health industry; an addiction we would be well served to break.

on Apr 14, 2005
Friendship is not about "baking brownies". It's more about getting a kick in the arse when you need it, and a hug when you need THAT.


I agree with this statement. Friendship might not be the cure for mental illness, but it does a world of good to someone who only needs someone else to listen to them and give the hug or kick in the "arse" as Gideon said, when needed.
on Apr 16, 2005
All problems can't be solved by having a shiny, happy, friend to bake brownies


That could depend on what's in the brownies...
on Apr 17, 2005

That could depend on what's in the brownies...

And who is baking them!

on Apr 17, 2005
I dont know, i've had a friend who needed professional help. I tried to help her as much as i could. I spent weekends taking care of her, listenig to her, making her laugh. All my free time was dedicated to her. I even put my own presonal dramas aside because i wanted to help her get back into track. But then i think she relied on me too much. Started calling at impossible hours. Then coming at my house crying. She became rude to all of my friends, to my boyfriend.
And when i'd tell her she'd become agressive to me too, and start treating me like her dog or something.
So i just stopped answering her calls, meeting up with her, we exchanged emails and i explained how her attitude was not helping. She apologized, but we dont have the realtionship we used to have. They say one way love doesnt work, well it's applicable to friendship too.