While updating myself on another person's recent article about celebrating birthdays in schools, I was brought back to one of the chronic complaints of childhood, and how it applies to life in general. The justification was given that, to be "fair" to the one child whose parents didn't believe in birthdays, NOBODY in the class should be allowed to celebrate a birthday.

Now, excuse me for asking, but what kind of chickenS&*^ NONSENSE is THAT?

LIFE isn't fair. Some people come into it with a little better footing, some people a little worse. We can't control that. But neither can we expect everyone around us to pander to our inadequacies, to try to level the playing field so that we all reach the same standard. It's also not fair that little Johnny eats dirt, can't talk, and has an IQ lower than his belt size. But is it fair to the rest of our class if the entire class is geared to JOHNNY'S standards, ignoring the educational needs of the other 29 kids in the class? No, Johnny will always be Johnny, and he should be proud to achieve the highest standards he can achieve. But the other 29 have a RIGHT to be allowed to achieve as well, a right that pandering to Johnny to make the class "FAIR" denies them.

Early in our marriage, my wife would go to all the women's group activities at our church. Invariably, these activities would show movies picturing the ideal male and every woman would talk about how "great" her husband was. It would ALWAYS lead to fights within the next few weeks because "Morton does this" and "Jeff does that", until I reminded my wife of some things I do that "Morton" and "Jeff" DON'T do. In short, she was comparing me against the supposed "better" husbands, while ignoring the fact that I provided for the home, was always there for her and the kids, never gave them a reason to feel afraid and threatened in her home, and most importantly, never threatened to leave her alone to raise the kids. She was comparing us against the wrong people.

Or, more to the point, when she would get upset because of the things we didn't have. The problem with materialism is, it becomes a monster that eats you up and can never get enough. I reminded her that, even though we were (ARE) poor by contemporary American standards, our standard of living is significantly above the world's average, and even significantly above that of all but the wealthy elite of 100 years ago.

The Soviet Union attempted to be "fair" to all of its citizens. It collapsed. Cuba, North Korea and China have become totalitarian governments in their similar quest for "fairness". "Fair" is a standard we will try to reach, but never achieve.

The argument always reminds me of the movie Labyrinth, one of my all time favorites, when the main character, Sarah, reaches her epiphany after repeatedly stating her litany of "that's not FAIR!" that, "but that's...the way it IS". I advise a few more of us to do the same.