OK, sorry for the mass blogging today, just in "one of those" moods, and of course my time is limited. But this should be the last article for the day for me:
I have an addiction to food.
No, it's not funny, no it's not petty, and no it's not something for which I am particularly inclined to sit in a roomful of blubbering crybabies fueling myself in self pity to go into "recovery" (I have nothing against 12 step programs FOR SOME PEOPLE).
When I first reached a point of self awareness as to my food being an addiction, I tried twelve step groups. The problem I found is most people with "serious" addictions scoff at those with food addictions, as if their addiction is somehow a "lesser demon" that doesn't know the agony of a meth addiction or a crack addiction or things of that nature.
Let me describe for you my life at its worst stage:
--On paydays, I would go to five or six different fast food joints immediately after cashing my check and order large meals at each, but not large enough to embarrass myself because of my piggishness.
--When invited to a friend's house to eat, I would go to an all you can eat buffet beforehand and fill myself up so I wouldn't embarrass myself by pigging out at their house.
--I had serious episodes of acid reflux from many of my binges, and would wake up when the acid spewed out, but that didn't stop me.
--I was so heavy that the weight of my chest made it impossible to breathe out of my mouth and I would wake up with headaches from sleep apnea that nearly crippled me.
--One night, I seriously felt bad enough that I walked into my children's room and kissed them goodnight, resolving that IF I was still alive the next morning (I had reasons to have my doubts), some things would have to change.
I haven't won the battle against my food addiction, and probably never will. Food, unlike alcohol or drugs, is not an addiction that can be overcome with abstinence. But I am learning better ways daily to deal with my addiction in moderation for my own health and well being. And, I've learned that the addiction will probably always be a part of me, and thus should, as with other aspects of who I am, become something with which I am comfortable and can deal.
respectfully submitted,
Gideon MacLeish