How to be a Points Whore

A Definitive Guide

Published on September 12, 2004 By Gideon MacLeish In Blogging

I am writing this blog as a definitive guide to all of joeuser's points whore wannabe's. I have realized I have much to teach these young padawans, and wish to give them the skills to be successful points whores. If you have anything to add, no matter how trivial, by all means, do so!

#1. It's ALWAYS about you: What most aspiring point whores fail to do is to put themselves at the center of every topic posted on joeuser while they are online. This is a rookie mistake, and one that relegates a person to the JU equivalent of the "nerd table". It is ALWAYS about you, no matter how irrelevant. if the topic is about the mating patterns of the Zimbabwean fruit bat, you might, for instance, relate a hilarious incident in which a mating pair of bats became entangled in your hair. But DO bring the subject back around to you, even if you have to hijack the thread to do it.

#2. Link, link, link: If you have not written a blog relevant to a topic at hand, FIND relevance, even if you have to find it in conjunctions. When you find relevance, link the reader back to your article.

#3. Make your title as inflammatory as possible: racist and vulgar titles draw in readers more than fluffy bunnies do. If, however, you happen to know squat about subjects like Windows customization, that's good for MAD referrals

#4. The daily news is your friend: take a news story and put a creative spin on it. Inform, yet entertain.

#5. Dancing Gifs are good for the novice point whore. An article about a tragic killing halfway around the globe punctuated with a dancing gif really drives it home.

#6. Insult your audience. You are virtually guaranteed 50 + responses, and it may even carry over onto future threads.

#7. Read other people's articles and comment. They will respond to your own articles.

#8. Vivarin is your friend

By following these tried and true methods, you too, can be a points whore (but we don't give you the key to the special lounge until you've paid your point whore dues to us established points whores. Hope this helps, and have a GREAT day!

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signing off (tongue firmly planted in cheek),

Gideon MacLeish

Comments

Gideon MacLeish

on Sep 12, 2004

#10. Leave your list incomplete so you can say kaCHING! when someone comments....lol

I wrote this to help out our most recent points whore wannabe....consider it community service.

Texas Wahine

on Sep 12, 2004

#7. Read other people's articles and comment. They will respond to your own articles.

This is called the "rule of 69," c'mon Gideon . . . get it right!

Very nice . . . pretty comprehensive . . .

carebear07

on Sep 13, 2004

So did you get the idea from my article there Gideon?

Yeah, I see how it is. Stealing from my ideas!! lol j/k.

Yeah, I might try and follow these guide lines. Maybe they'll work. So, how bout getting back over to the Ashleython! lol

~carebear~

Gideon MacLeish

on Sep 13, 2004

carebear,

No, actually, I got the idea from the 5,752 articles about points whoring that've been posted since I got here...lol. But, I did want to give you some helpful hints.

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