Well, for the second time in a week, the Las Vegas monorail is down for repairs. This public transportation effort has been plagued with cost overruns, delays and shutdowns ever since its opening. To top it off, the monorail does not even run along the strip, easily Las Vegas' biggest traffic concern. Isn't the goal of most public transit programs to ALLEVIATE congestion?
I am beginning to wonder if Lyle Lanley, the overseer of the monorail project on "the Simpsons" didn't have a hand in this. We need to compare notes with Springfield, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook.
And now, since I appropriated his name for this commentary, I leave you with the lyrics for the song "Monorail!" from "the Simpsons":
Monorail
Lyle Lanley: Well, sir, there's nothing on earth
Like a genuine,
Bona fide,
Electrified,
Six-car
Monorail!
What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Patty+Selma: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail!
[crowd chants `Monorail' softly and rhythmically]
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud...
Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanley: You'll be given cushy jobs.
Abe: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it's Springfield's only choice...
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: Once again...
All: Monorail!
Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken...
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!
All: Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
[big finish]
Monorail!
Homer: Mono... D'oh!
signing off,
Gideon MacLeish