The Olympic Gold Medal in Whining

Published on August 23, 2004 By Gideon MacLeish In Humor

This just in, folks: The International Olympic Committee has just announced that, beginning in the 2006 Winter Olympic Games, a new sport will be added which will become the first sport to be featured at both the summer and winter games.

This will be the Olympic Whining competition.

The need for such a medal was sparked in 2002, when Canada's pairs figure skating team successfully whined their way to Olympic gold in a sport whose scores are based on subjective judgements. It was reinforced by the appeal of the South Koreans over their representative's assigned start value to his routine (though it appears legit, the time to protest the start value should have been BEFORE the routine, not after, but I digress).

The US is already scrambling to find judges. Top candidates are former figure skating silver medalist Nancy Kerrigan, an odds on favorite because of her Olympic past. Also under consideration is former presidential candidat Al Gore, who impresses USOC officials because of the incredible four year length of his whine. Such an established, long running whine goes a long way in establishing his credibility as one of the world's top whiners. Other nations have not announced their candidates for the judging positions.

signing off (tongue firmly planted in cheek),

Gideon MacLeish

Comments

BlueDev

on Aug 23, 2004

Hah, I thoroughly enjoyed reading that one. The sad thing is I just don't see how one can come away with a medal won more out of whining than out of the competition and not feel that it is tainted in some way, that it is cheapened.

Hence, making whining an official sport, even including it in both summer and winter Olympics, seems to make perfect sense. Not only can they whine, but they can do it with all their hearts and walk away proud of that medal! Good news for the whiners of the world.

godsjewl

on Aug 23, 2004

Maybe they can recruit my former Political Science professor who felt the need to extend the whine to a 13 week course entitled "Elections and Public Opinion: The 2000 Election" - listen to me whine three days a week from summer to christmas!

Gideon MacLeish

on Aug 23, 2004

Exactly. As a parent, it's hard for me to try to teach my children to be good sports when there are such crappy examples on the public stage.

Wow, he might be a good choice if Gore and Kerrigan are too busy to do the job.

BlueDev

on Aug 23, 2004

Exactly. As a parent, it's hard for me to try to teach my children to be good sports when there are such crappy examples on the public stage.

Ah, if that was the only type of bad examples seen daily on the public stage! How easy would that make parenting?

Seriously though, only a serious and concerted effort in the home (as well as examples from the parents) can help to instill a sense personal responsibility in children. At least that is where I see it happening.

chiprj

on Aug 23, 2004

Don't forget the whine from the 02 Winter Games over Ono's win in the speed skating. The SK backlash and whining back then turned into outright threats against Ono that caused the US speed skating teams to forgo competing in a big event held in Korea a while back due to fears for their safety. It's one thing to be upset over an on the field (are ice rinks or gymnastics floors really fields?) ruling. Mistakes happen. It's completely wrong to take it out on the athlete that may benefit from these calls. If the governing body of the sport says that they are going to stick to the rules, then that is that. Reversing things now would set a dangerous sports precedent that could cause all manner of problems for years to come. Imagine reviews of all gymnastic events from the past 20 years. Or figure skating. And then someone gets the bright idea to demand that we replay the 02 AFC Championship game crying over the 'tuck rule'. That's what this could come to.

This gymnastics thing is a legitimate complaint. But as you point out, there is a time and a place to fix things. In this case, the SK team claims they tried and were told to wait. The judges claim that never happened. He said, she said. It changes nothing now.

Gotta wonder how the other SK gymnast feels about his silver being downgraded to bronze if some odd turn of events causes Hamm's gold to become silver.

Gideon MacLeish

on Aug 23, 2004

Seriously though, only a serious and concerted effort in the home (as well as examples from the parents) can help to instill a sense personal responsibility in children. At least that is where I see it happening.

I agree. And turning the TV off helps as well.

Gideon MacLeish

on Aug 23, 2004

This gymnastics thing is a legitimate complaint. But as you point out, there is a time and a place to fix things. In this case, the SK team claims they tried and were told to wait. The judges claim that never happened. He said, she said. It changes nothing now.

I would think if I were told to wait before the routine, I'd be going over their heads. I think it's a bogus argument; that in fact, the South Koreans were so cocky that they didn't think that extra tenth of a point would matter--and it cost them.

We must also remember that gymnastics is a subjective sport, and as such, prone to human error. But that doesn't seem to matter anymore.

SSG Geezer

on Aug 23, 2004

What about Tonya Harding and her defective skate?? Don't you remember the tears and moaning
at the point in time she was supposed to be skating? Then she stumbled through it. LMAO!

Gideon MacLeish

on Aug 23, 2004

Yes, geezer, one of the problems we have in America, though, is we have too many well qualified whiners and it's going to be hard to narrow down to find one good judge of the event. But I think the whiners will sort themselves out in time; I mean, who can honestly argue with the sheer persistence of the Gore whine?

SSG Geezer

on Aug 23, 2004

"But....but....we just need to put our whineyness in a Lock Box..." LMAO

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