I am developing what I feel could be the next novel treatment for hypertension. I call it "flex therapy". It works along the same lines as causing your muscles to relax by contracting, then releasing.
The premise is that you cause a person's blood pressure to shoot up sky high over and over again so that over time, the pressure tends to trend downward. I am advancing this theory using the following methods:
*sending name and address on "I would like to know more about your faith" to all Jehovah's Witness, LDS, and Moonie churches in your area
*randomly placing construction detour signs and cones along heavily travelled stretches of road
*Ordering subscriptions to magazines nobody ever reads sent to your home using the "bill me later" option
*expressing your enthusiasm in campaigning for your local Republican senator candidate
*expressing your enthusiasm in campaigning for your local Democratic senator candidate
*wedging a Backstreet Boys DVD in your car stereo and disabling all volume control or power control devices
*sending your 21 year old daughter's picture and vitals to the "prison dating" website
Well, that's all I have for now. Please assist me in getting federal funding for this progressive new therapy.