As the 2004 presidential election nears, I can only hope that the 2000 election fiasco rears its ugly head again. Allow me to explain.
After the results were inconclusive from the 2000 election, I took it upon myself to decide that, absent a president-elect, there should be an interim presidential elect. This person should:
1) Be a person who actually ran for president in some capacity
2) Be a person grossly unqualified for the office (so there would be no problem in stepping down when the real president-elect was announced); and
3) have absolutely no genuine interest in seeking the presidenct (see reason behind number 2).
(For the record, folks, this was for totally comic reasons)
Well, as I am wont to do, I convinced a fair number of people that a vote for me and my rubber chicken, Reverend Al, would be better than staying at home on election day. So I qualified for number one. And I handily qualified for number two, being too young (then 30 years old), and not knowing or caring who the current administration in Tajikistan happens to be. And because I had no interest in LEARNING about the current administration in Tajikistan, I qualified for number 3.
And so began a month long odyssey as Rev. Al and I (for the record, he IS a reverend; the Supreme Court has consistently upheld ordinations by the Universal Life Church, which can be obtained online for nothing, just by inserting a name. I highly recommend it) declared ourselves the "interim president and vice president elect" (well, HE didn't declare; he's latex, for crying out loud). Our platform was that we would act as trustees for kickbacks and soft money until a president elect was declared, at which time we would turn over said monetary funds to the eventual winner (minus a healthy administration fee, of course, which led to a long debate between myself and my running mate about whether a certain "Whack-a-Mole" marathon qualified as legitimate entertainment expenses [his argument being that said contestants were potential future constituents and that we were grooming them to vote for us in the future]).
Our saga ended when the Supreme Court declared a winner. Alas, all soft money contributors held tight to their wallets until dubya was entrenched, but it was a grand old time nonetheless.
In that spirit, I would like to announce my new running mate. I have switched fowls, deciding that the fact that many chickens are institutionalized leads them not to vote, and thus, would like to declare my running mate, Mr. Duck Cheney (no relation). Our platform is to represent the goals and wishes of the Broccoli Liberation Front an end to hunting season for a certain fowl, and top billing for Daffy Duck on all "warner brothers" cartoons (HEY! How'd that get in there? Cheney, we HAVE to talk).
So, if you're tired of all the silliness, and pettiness in politics, please vote for MacLeish/Cheney. You may have wasted your vote, but you may have gained a sense of humor.
signing off (tongue firmly planted in cheek),
Gideon MacLeish