I have to admit, I've truly, genuinely, not been doing well.

I'm at the end of my rope, and everytime I think I'm done with this nasty little town, they throw something else at me. I look forward to the day I see this burg in my rear view mirror. And I've never ever felt this way about a city. Even Pahrump was one we left with some degree of sadness.

As I stated earlier, my faith is still strong, but my dogma's gone. I don't want to play Christian Crips n' Bloods anymore, the whole denominational thing doesn't honor God and it doesn't make me feel any better. And if being a Christian means being the kind of person I see in the churches, I want no part of it. I can be THAT kind of person without paying my dues every time the collection plate is passed.

I've self identified as a conservative Christian for many years, but I can't claim that anymore. I don't want to be the kind of person I see filling up those churches. If the Fruits of the Spirit are consistently absent in those churches, I think i can safely say they're not following God. I've questioned for years whether the church was apostate; now I'm becoming convinced it must be.

It's hard to realize so much of what you believe is wrong. I don't doubt God for a second. I KNOW who He is. But I'm beginning to suspect a lot of false advertising on the part of moneychangers who put up a shingle claiming to be Christian. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. All should be there, but they're not. What am I to conclude?

Oh, well, I'm rambling and meandering badly. Just wanted to drop a couple thoughts on what's going through the ol' noggin right now.