I'm not buying a Sony Playstation. Ever. Sony is, in my esteemed estimation, the devil. If Microsoft is not your friend, as the saying goes, Sony is the evil serial killer who raped your uncle and spilled your grandmother's guts out all over the floor while she slowly bled to death watching the steam rise from her entrails.

Why this anymosity towards Sony? I'm glad you asked. Two words: PC repair.

Customer brings PC in to us. it's a sony Vaio. Nice looking machine, actually. Pretty sharp, even though it was just a Pentium III (socket 370).

We fire it up, and it's got Windows 98 on it. But it was made for Windows ME. That little sticker right there should have told me exactly what Scar told Simba in "the Lion King": Run far away. And don't ever look back. But not me. No, i'm an egotistical snot and I press forward. Besides, it's my job, and while I am daily reminded of the need to order a red Swingline stapler just because it is so utterly fitting (if you don't understand that, rent the movie "Office Space", watch it, and get back to me. Do it. Now), I rather like it. Or, rather I like eating Pizza Hut hot wings and watching YouTube disasters during my downtime and getting paid for it.

So we call the EU (that's geek-ese for "customer") and ask if he wants to have us reinstall Windows ME. Yes, he said. The guy he had last had working on his machine had rolled it back, but he'd like ME. So, we proceed, with a couple of glitches that again brought back the eerie spectre of the voice of a lion that sounded suspiciously like Jeremy Irons, and get Windows ME installed.

Good. Great. Now we just have to get drivers and the machine's good to go.

Over to the Sony site, check on Vaio. Nothing there, except for laptops. To a lesser man, that might be a problem. But I am "super Geek" and my superpowers include mad google search skills, and I soon find myself on a driver download site for the particular model computer that I am seeking. Great. I'm in like Flynn, so it's off to the soda vending machine, with a short stop to boast to my boss about how easily I found the drivers.

Not so fast. Beelzebub has dangled the forbidden fruit of drivers in front of my eyes without offering the drivers that I actually NEED. Specifically, the motherboard drivers.

OK, a minor glitch, but not a problem. My magical software buddies from Hogwarts, PC Wizard, already looked over the system and gave me what I needed in that category. Faster than the speed of light over to the Asus site, where it is my full intention to download the drivers for this motherboard. Supergeek stumbles across a list of drivers that would make Rousche racing envious. A list of drivers for every motherboard Asus ever made.

Except.

Mine.

Once again, Beelzebub has dangled the forbidden fruit so close that its sweet fleshy smell has enticed my nostrils...then yanked it away and stood by and laughed. Sok, this latest bit of Kryptonite slows down SuperGeek, but it does not stop him. Again with the whole "faster than the speed of light" thing, I find myself on the Sony website. Calling the tech support number, I get Sony's standard "your warranty has expired and if you'd like tech support, have your Visa handy". Luckily, they cater to those of us with superpower, and they offer up again the forbidden fruit in the guise of a live online text chat. With visions of pie dancing through my head, I follow the enticing aroma. Who'd have known forbidden fruit carried the name of "Julio*"?

Julio listened to(uhh, that's geek-ese for "read") my complaint, then gave me his insightful answer, gleaned from year's of training as the devil's apprentice, complete with tail bifurcation and trident sharpening skills: Yes, there's a solution. Yes, you'll have to pay us.

I thanked Julio, and he promptly dismissed me. Being the devil's handmaiden is hard work, you know, and Julio probably had other work to do, like putting blisters in the crotch of a dedicated nun who has spent her life ministering to the world's impoverished.

That settles it. I'm going back to my Atari. Julio, and sony, are evil.

*Julio's screen name is not actually "Julio". On the off chance you find yourself in the  pit of Hell that is Sony tech support, I do not ever. EVER. want the actual chat traced back to me, and thus have changed names to protect the guilty, and, most importantly, my ass!