So, it's three in the morning here, and even the drunks have turned in for the night. I know because, when they haven't and their computer doesn't work, I'm the first to hear it. I'm like the Maytag repairman, if, say, Maytag was rather buggy and had a tendency to flake out in bad weather.

We have only one PC in the queue, and that's probably going to need parts, which aren't available until Monday, and, well, my callbacks aren't likely to appreciate a 3 AM phone call. I have no DVD drive on this machine (something I intend to eventually remedy), and, well, it's a bad idea to say the least to go about illegally downloading movies on a work computer. And so, at this time I'm a little more dependent than others on what the tube has to offer.

The last round of "white noise" just finished off, a little gem called Deuce Bigalow: European Gigalo. It just may be one of the worst movies I've ever seen...and I've seen some turkeys. So, not wishing to repeat that nauseating two hours of television, I headed out into the bay (is it a bad sign when you work for an ISP that's not sophisticated enough to provide any way to change channels in your office?), and checked around for movies. Now, mind you, it's rather cold out there, so it's not a trip I relish. We have somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 movie channels, and management got a little less restrictive on their viewing polices (R rated movies are not always blocked...unfortunately, shows like "Busty Coeds from Miami Beach" are). So I'm trolling through these channels and I can only find one watchable movie in the lineup. Cinderella Man. A good flick. Unfortunately, it's going to be like "The Longest Yard" and "The Chronicles of Narnia" as a movie that I liked the first 4,359 times I watched it.

It's not always this bad, though, just usually. Last night I got treated to the ultimate Gen-X flashback: "Streets of Fire". If you remember that, you're a true Generation Xer, that's for sure. But usually, it is a parade of movies that make you long for the wit and wisdom of a Pauly Shore movie (of which there have been not a few).

So, here's my question: If government can pay for an investigation to see who's on the juice (don't think our government's overspending? How much are we paying for THAT kangaroo court?), or into the college football championship setup (Or THAT one?), then the government can certainly take steps to ensure that the "best of" the 3 AM viewing hour doesn't consist of Ronco infomercials and Jerry Springer reruns. Because of the logistics of changing channels, surfing through the "regular" fare is pretty much out. I'd say the "general welfare" of the Constitution's preamble should provide for reasonably entertaining television for us nighthawks. So, write your Congressman (or, in precious few districts, woman) and demand that they sponsor the Quality TV for Gid amendment to the Constitution.

After all, where I am you might one day be.