Now that the Holidays are upon us, I feel that I need to bring back the article I was unable to post until after llast year's holidays were over. As we contemplate regifting, it is important to know to whom we can regift, and how. In response to last year's nagging questions, I wrote "the six degreees of regifting separation". This year, it's time to bring back this article so that you can be prepared to regift for the holidays without the nagging embarrassing results that can happen if these rules are not observed. Enjoy (and lay off the fruitcake!):
Basically, to determine who should be the recipient of a regifted item, you must place your relationshipd into these six circles. Realize that all relationships are different, and that some relationships will move up or down circles, but here's a list to get you started:
Circle One:
Spouse, paramours, life partners, and VERY close friends (here's a hint: if they don't know your underwear preferences, they most definitely do NOT fall in this circle. In some cases [such as baggy pants trendy teens], they may know your underwear preferences and still not fall in this circle, so please: use caution). If you are under 18, I would consider it wise to include parents in this category, or your allowance may be in serious jeopardy
Circle Two:
Close friends with whom you make contact more than once a week in a non school or work setting, early stage boyfriends/girlfriends, parents of those over 18 (if under 18, please see rule #1...I do NOT want to get angry letters from parents of minors here).
Circle Three: Casual aquaintances, aunts, uncles, cousins, bosses (please note: Bosses are EXTREMELY variable; if your boss falls in circle one, I'd rather not know about it, OK?), and ex boyfriends/girlfriends with whom you continue to share a casual acquaintance
Circle Four: Coworkers, Landlords (again, very variable here), neighbors,
Circle Five: Service workers (cable guy, postal carrier, paper carrier, etc), ex spouses with whom you share a tenuous but not hostile relationships, your favorite blogger, peripheral relatives like your cousin's nephew's dog trainer's aunt, stalkers who do not exhibit violent tendencies
Circle Six: In-Laws, Politicians, Lawyers, and Lucifer. Stalkers who DO exhibit violent tendencies.
OK, now the rules:
Used items, if not heirlooms, must be regifted only to the fifth or sixth circle. Items new in the box can be regifted at any level depending on the quality of the item. Heirlooms should only be regifted in the first three circles, and "novelty" items such as Billy Bass and Talking Deer heads are best remanded to the sixth circle if you wish to maintain cordial relationships with anyone in the first five. If, however, you are wishing to push someone from one of the lower circles to a higher circle, they may qualify for these gifts.
Items must NEVER be regifted within the same circle, unless the item is SPECIFICALLY desired by one person within the circle and the regift is acceptable to the original gifter. Bad Karma accompanies regifts that do not follow this vitally important rule.
If you have given your soul to a life partner, paramour, spouse, or Lucifer, it is non returnable. It cannot be regifted (The important precedent for this rule was set in the groundbreaking case, "Homer Simpson vs. the Devil).
Items that signify a relationship carry the Karma that comes with it. Never regift an engagement ring, an heirloom photo album, or edible underpants.
Price is also a primary consideration in regifting. Do not regift Dollar Tree merchandise within the first three circles.
Now that you have the basic rules of regifting, regift away! I will be adding to this list as time goes by, but these are the basic rules.
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