IN LW's list of 50 facts that most people didn't know about her, she shared that she had dropped out of high school in the 10th grade, and later took her GED. I didn't drop out in the 10th grade (such an action was COMPLETELY unthinkable in my upbringing; the one value for which I will give my parents full credit), but it was at that point I pretty much quit trying.

In my first semester of 10th grade, I was getting a failing grade in gym. For those of you who don't know, that's pretty much indicative of someone who gets bullied a lot; the only way you can fail gym in many areas is to not suit up. My dad's response was to post signs around the house and throw a party commemorating my failing; in other words, to humiliate me as much as he could in the hopes I would avoid further humiliation by working more. It only served to piss me off, frankly.

Fast forward to the second semester. We came back to school in January with the grave of my half brother freshly dug (he was buried over Christmas break, having died four days after Christmas). My brother was, to that time, my life. My siblings and I had literally saved him from being aborted by promising to assist in his upbringing. So I was understandably distracted, and it showed up in my geometry grade. My teacher said that if I didn't turn in every assignment, the best I could hope for was a "D" (I proved her wrong by acing every test and pulling down a "C"). In the same semester, one of my brother's teachers gave him a "B" even though he hadn't earned it because she knew that the death of our half brother was understandably difficult for him. I received no such graces.

At the end of the year, my father announced that he would not allow me to sign up for the Gifted/Talented English and History classes the following year because of my geometry grade and despite the fact I had no problems in either of those classes. By the fall, I would no longer be living with my father, but in my ethos, his edict remained. I spent my last four semesters in high school doing as little as possible to graduate. I filled my schedule with as many study halls as I could, and took the simplest electives I could find. Academics no longer mattered to me; I simply wanted to finish high school.

In the space of a year I had been changed from a student being actively sought by high profile schools into a loser hanging out at the smoking wall. Sometimes I like to think about how life might have been had I been more determined to overcome the shadow of my father, but then, for everything I'd have gained by going that route, i'd have given up just as much.