Kinder, Gentler Video Game Soundtracks in the Future

Published on June 15, 2006 By Gideon MacLeish In Humor

When Jeff Mortensen came home one day last November, he was in a less than cordial mood. He had received a call from school about his son's bullying behavior, for the fourth time, and he was at a loss to explain how it happened. The family had always taught their children to love and respect others.

Jeff shortly received an explanation that satisfied him. As he entered the home, he heard the hard driving metal soundtrack of another of his son's PS2 games. He immediately removed the console and banned his son from it. But he didn't want to totally eliminate the video games from his son's life, as his son derived a good deal of enjoyment from them.

Working with the management of cleanfilms.com, Mortensen came up with a solution. He had the site help fund development of "alternative" video game soundtracks that replaced the strains of Rob Zombie and Element Eighty with the softer sounds of Michael Bolton, Kenny G, and Yanni. He even received a few tracks from former singing sensations Donny and Marie and Pat Boone.

Using his "Little bit country, little bit rock and roll" approach, Mortensen produced a finished product that made him proud. He's convinced that the new "cleaner" video game soundtracks will lead to greater peace and understanding from the generation of children that play them. He reports that his own son is much happier, and, in fact, recently sent a get well card to one of the children he had injured on the playground.

Comments

Gideon MacLeish

on Jun 15, 2006

DISCLAIMER: This article is totally fictional, fallacious, and otherwise misleading. Neither Jeff Mortensen, his bully turned hippie son, nor cleanfilms.com were involved in any way with the production of this blog article. The author assumes no liability for any readers who may flood the website of cleanfilms.com with requests for copies of these video games which do not exist, and furthermore, demands full royalty rights should some PMRC wannabe buffoon coopt my idea into a real project.

Dr Guy

on Jun 15, 2006

Stepford Kid.

bakerstreet

on Jun 15, 2006

I'm slow, sorry. What I'm getting is that you don't agree with this kind of thing? I think the cleanfilms stuff is utterly insipid, and a violation of the rights of the creator of the films. While I believe that the DVD you buy is yours to do what you want with, that's private ownership and private use. They have no right to "clean up" someone's work and resell/rent it at a profit.

To me, the point of copyright is to assure the author or owner of a work that they have control of when, where, and how that work will be reproduced and distributed. cleanfilms robs them of that right by producing a derivative work without their permission. It's no different than any other kind of piracy in my opinion.

Their "co-op" junk is a sad excuse. They aren't renting the original movies, they are creating derivative works and then offering them as COMPETITION to the works by the original author. They need to be shut down, in my opinion.

Gideon MacLeish

on Jun 16, 2006

Baker,

As with my earlier article (on Need for Speed: Hybrid Edition), I posted this in the humour section. Unlike the earlier article, I put a disclaimer in the comments to make it clear that the article was satirical (the NFS: Hybrid Edition article was also taken seriously). I don't know what more I can do, really, to make it clear when I'm joking without ruining the piece.

No I don't agree with this kind of thing. At all. And I hope nobody ever seriously tries it. My hope was to point out the utter stupidity of people who honestly believe their censorship efforts will stop these problems (I hoped that the comments about the bully sending a get well card to one of his victims would clue readers in). All this has done is painfully prove to me I don't have the knack for satire.

bakerstreet

on Jun 16, 2006

No, it isn't you Gid. In terms of the section I read it on your blog, and I didn't notice what section it was even in. My mistake. As for the content, I know it seems insane to us, but I've been delving into the whole video game uproar lately, and I have to tell you that there are people who would write and read what you have above and applaud it as what they want to accomplish.

Again, really sorry I mussed with a funny, I didn't realize that is what I was doing. I'll pay more attention to the section from now on.

Gideon MacLeish

on Jun 16, 2006

Sorry, Baker. It just came on the heels of the NFS: Hybrid Edition article, which flopped magnificently, and was taken seriously by the one person who DID bother to read it initially. The thing is, I thought both articles were very amusing, but my audience obviously didn't concur. It's the equivalent of silence in a stand up act.

bakerstreet

on Jun 16, 2006

I think we are just so annoyed by the people, a substantial amount of people, who feel the way the people in your joke feels. Our fault, not yours.

Gideon MacLeish

on Jun 16, 2006

I think we are just so annoyed by the people, a substantial amount of people, who feel the way the people in your joke feels.

Maybe a little TOO much truth in the humour? I guess that could be it.

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