The journey from there to here

Yes, this is related to my last article.

When the latest incident here at JoeUser occured, I feel that there were a number of people who wrongly perceived my fence sitting as being selfishly motivated. It was not selfishly motivated, but in fact, came about because I am simply sick and tired of being ripped apart.

It's not just here at JU; that's only a part of it. It's everywhere. As I mentioned in one of the previous articles on the subject, the minister of the church we have been attending and my fire chief have a long standing feud, and I am caught in the middle between a man I consider my friend and someone upon whom my loyalty is directly tied to my performance as a firefighter and soon to be first responder. This feud goes back to before I even heard of the existence of our small town and doesn't concern me; yet, there is a constant push from both sides for me to take sides on the issue.

Add to that the fact that our small town is literally torn apart by the factions from the two predominant churches, and, in fact, a split between members of the larger church. Each absolutely detests anything presented by another faction, and the arguments spill over into council decisions, fire meetings, Lions club meetings, and virtually every situation where two or more of our citizens have contact. As a result, we have no marshall, have been deprived of several grants that could have improved the standard of life and fiscal position of our town, and many families avoid the conflict in the church altogether by refusing to attend the churches in town.

Then there is my work as an advocate. There are two factions there, and they have no quarter, no room for compromise. Each is convinced of the rightness of his idea to the exclusion of others, and as a result, every question is met with a debate on the merits of each's position.

The common denominator of all of these conflicts is that I see validity to virtually all of the arguments presented. I believe there's room for compromise and not an "all or nothing" position. On this site, for instance, I was accused of cheerleading Brad, when, in fact, my comments were empathy for the exhaustion he expressed, something I have known quite a lot of, and for the work he has done to build his company. They were not an expression of solidarity for his decisions as an administrator.

My loyalty to Brad is based on the fact that I am appreciative for what he has done both in the creation of JoeUser and in improving my abilities as a writer. All I have to do is go back to the articles I wrote in my first few months at JU and the articles I've written in the past few weeks, and I see a substantial difference. There is an enhanced professionalism, I am more assertive in backing up my positions, and, as a result, I've become better educated as to the facts. I'm a better researcher, a more competent and confident person because of that, and I have no doubt this will have a serious positive effect on my personal life.

But that loyalty doesn't mean I don't have loyalty to Sabrina and Simon. In fact, since the idea was blown, I have no problem in stating that the reason I tried to sit on the fence is because I hoped it would blow over and Simon would eventually be reinstated. I didn't feel that adding gasoline to the fire would help that cause very much. Now, of course, there will be people who don't believe this at all, but frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn!

I am tired of being torn apart, tired of being forced to choose sides in everything. It's petty and juvenile, and I'd hope as adults we are above it. But if we're not, so be it. Just be careful, though, you may not like the side I choose.


Comments (Page 3)
3 Pages1 2 3 
on Mar 06, 2006

I disagree.... When two people carry difference of opinion to the extent where the "friendship" is at stake, the subject matter has a core value or moral relationship.

HOw about a breakup of a love relationship?

on Mar 06, 2006
HOw about a breakup of a love relationship?


Assuming, (hate that word), the love relationship was established on like values, morals and desires the same applies.

From time to time, a friend or two still socializes with old flings from years past, and I have no problem with that. My wife has no problem with her X-husbands wife socializing with her sorority sisters that live across the street from her X.

When I would break up with a woman, it was due to our values being out of alignment. A good example was this gal that was constantly frustrated with my friends, and one being a woman. It didn’t matter to her if they were a valued part of my life. She felt as though she was competing for attention, which was ridiculous. She was also saying she didn’t value friends, as I do. She wanted to be the one and only. Come to find out she had no long term friends. She maintained any relationships, not impressive, which lead me to believe she didn’t work at things, and was selfish, qualities I didn’t like.

The funny thing was friends mentioned she wasn’t a keeper for the same reasons, before I knew it was time to end the relationship.

I can't answer in the case of a divorce. Reason being, except for a few situations, it's not an option for me, nor is it for the woman I married.
on Mar 06, 2006

Assuming, (hate that word), the love relationship was established on like values, morals and desires the same applies.

Love rarely follows logic.

on Mar 06, 2006
Love rarely follows logic.

I've heard that line to many times in my adult life. I’ve never used that word "logic" in conjunction with finding a mate or establishing friendships, I would use love and “compatibility”.

Don't take this personal because it's not meant towards you. But, those I’ve encountered that have used that line, appear to struggle with a sense of balance in their life, often loosing sight of their values and morals, communicate poorly with loved ones, and discourage healthy interpersonal skills. The entertaining part is when they make the proclamation, romance and logic don’t go together, they really should say, no thought, anything goes based on momentary needs or passion.

In the name of love, they pay no heed to long term relationship compatibilities and associated emotional needs for happiness. To often, they face emotionally difficult issues with obstinate behavior wrapped in antipathy, which leads to more conflict, selfishness, some complacency ending in divorce and or lost friendships, never allowing a foot to touch the ground of reality, for fear.

Relationships, and more importantly life long marriages require work and for that work to be successful, it requires like minds, values and moral beliefs to over come all of life’s obstacles combined with the differences that man and woman conjures up naturally due to their Venus Mars issues. Even though making a career choice resembles marriage, failed marriages do considerably more emotional harm then failed jobs.

Venture out with romance throwing compatibility (your word “logic”) into the wind, failed friendships, breakups or divorce court isn’t far behind.
on Mar 06, 2006

Don't take this personal because it's not meant towards you.

I wont.  For 2 reasons.  It was not me (altho I am guilty as sin in that regard) and because We were all young once.  So your logical analysis of the situation, while it can be nodded and agreed upon by aged wisened people, does not hold for homornal pre-30 people.

on Mar 06, 2006
Actually, she called me out BY NAME on her other blog site because she felt I was "kissing Brad's ass". So, yes, she would and she did.


I got flamed too. I'm cruel, apparently. Because I thought that Simon's banishment was deserved and wrote an article about the golden rule of blogging at JU.

Brad made a comment elsewhere that I thought summed up the situation quite well. He said that LW didn't want loyalty, she wanted obiedience. Until last week, I'd have laughed and told him he was wrong.

Now, though....I'm not so sure.
on Mar 06, 2006
does not hold for homornal pre-30 people


You're right, it doesn't hold with many. But, with those of us guided by values and moral behavior it holds because our hormones are not steering. I waited till I was 48yrs old to find the right woman to fall in love with.

Those you mention have no patience and seek immediate gratification letting their hormones steer their lives, and pay for it later. What’s socially sad is those same pre-pubesent-30 people will behave in the same manner in their post 30's, which is why the divorce rate is so high.

Only one of friend is remarried, while the rest have been married once since their thirties and in some cases since their mid-twenties, in one their HS sweethearts and we’re all older then 40. Which examples what I said earlier about choosing friends with like values.

I use logical analysis when reviewing budgets and P&L statements, not love or woman. My values, morals and marital views were teaching originating in catholic school as a kid. All that was required was to use them as guides without question, and with hope the woman of my dreams would appear someday, well she did.

Nobody can choose love rationally or logically. Love is pure emotion; compatibility on the other hand requires the ability for one to see if those qualities are present and use simple judgment there after.
on Mar 06, 2006

My values, morals and marital views were teaching originating in catholic school as a kid.

Ouch!  Are you my mother?

on Mar 07, 2006
ugly thought.... wait a minute.... let me check something to make sure. Nope, just my own inner parent doing what he does best.
on Mar 07, 2006
ugly thought.... wait a minute.... let me check something to make sure. Nope, just my own inner parent doing what he does best.
3 Pages1 2 3