The journey from there to here

Our neighbors have their great grandson over at their house daily. He's generally a good kid, but we've found one very frustrating trait we've tried to deal with.

He will walk in the house regularly without knocking. It is not unusual for me to be sitting on the couch reading or doing something else and look up and see him standing there. We've tried to talk to his parents and our neighbors about it, but this is their "golden" child (they have two boys). He simply cannot do wrong. When I addressed the situation, tactfully (mentioning safety concerns; if he's in the house and I don't know it and there's an emergency, I'm not going to know to get him out), and the response was "well, it goes both ways". I was a little surprised by this, so I asked when our kids had come in without knocking and said I would talk to them. They responded "they didn't, we're just saying, that it applies to them as well". And the issue was never discussed with him (he is six).

We already know that correcting him is out of the question. My wife said something to him once when he was acting unruly (as six year olds will do), and she got an earful from his mother. This boy is simply NOT to be corrected. As a result, we've had to take to locking our doors, simply to force him to knock before entering, something I don't like to do.

I feel sorry for the kid, in all honesty. He's a good and decent child, but is growing up entirely without adult guidance because his parents don't want to hurt his feelings. Because he has no boundaries, I'd say it's dead certain he'll be trouble when he's a teenager. Sadly, it's trouble that could best have been avoided by parents who realized they're not his best friends, they're his parents.

I hate to second guess anyone's parenting (and the parents of these boys couldn't be nicer people in most regards). But I do find it sad to see a shipwreck coming that I'm powerless to prevent.


Comments (Page 1)
2 Pages1 2 
on Dec 31, 2005
Been there done that!  Lock your doors.  That is about all you can do.
on Dec 31, 2005
You can prevent a shipwreck on YOUR shores.

This is how I'd handle it.

Next time he's over, explain to him the "Rules." Meaning, he MUST knock before entering. Tell him the penalty for breaking the rule is not playing with your kids for the day.

Gid, I run into this all the time and not even with kids who are considered "perfect." A lot of parents today can't be bothered to raise their own kids. So I tell everyone flat out, my house, my rules. You break my rules and you get exactly what my kids get, consequences.

Now I realize the mom might freak out on ya, but so what. She'll eventually get the point if you send him home every time he does it.

We had a neighbor kid that did the same thing some years back. I ended it fast by quickly walking up to him after he entered and getting down on his eye level and saying in a louder (not a yell) and firm voice. "Did you just walk into my house without knocking? From now on you knock or you can't come back. Do you understand?"

I never had to speak with the parents about it. At 6 he should get it. If he doesn't there may be more wrong with him than simply not having parents who won't train him.

That's my take anyway. Good luck.
on Dec 31, 2005

Next time he's over, explain to him the "Rules." Meaning, he MUST knock before entering. Tell him the penalty for breaking the rule is not playing with your kids for the day.

That's what I was talking about when we tried to deal with him on a separate issue earlier, Tova. My wife told him if he couldn't play nice, he couldn't play with the kids, and his mom raised holy Hell. Like I said, he's not to be corrected; they have made that very clear. As soon as we say something he'll go straight to his mom about it.

on Dec 31, 2005

That's what I was talking about when we tried to deal with him on a separate issue earlier, Tova. My wife told him if he couldn't play nice, he couldn't play with the kids, and his mom raised holy Hell. Like I said, he's not to be corrected; they have made that very clear. As soon as we say something he'll go straight to his mom about it.

Logic is wasted on children and idiots.  He is the former, his parents the latter.

on Dec 31, 2005
As soon as we say something he'll go straight to his mom about it.


So what.

Let her come over and you can tell HER the rules. If she doesn't like it she won't let him come back.

Sometimes parents are bullies and it sounds like his mom might use her "mouth" as a device to keep others cowed. If your only concern is the mother banshee coming over and yelling, pfft, you can take it...you're running for public office you better get used to it!
on Dec 31, 2005

Let her come over and you can tell HER the rules. If she doesn't like it she won't let him come back.

Tova,

With a contingent of folks actively trying to run us our of town, it would be a poor strategy to alienate those who aren't. Your advice works in certain situations, but we honestly can't afford to make more enemies than we already have.

on Dec 31, 2005
With respect to you know who, they are really rotten parents, Gideon.

"Mom" used to finish working a long day and then, instead of going home, she would come to our house and try to hang out for hours. It was like she was single and had no husband or child at home to concern herself with. All day...and then while she was at our house..."Grandparents" would be watching the child, and apparently she saw that as their responsibility and not hers.

Right before we left for Hawaii, I came over to their house to visit and they were watching their new ginormous TV...watching GhostShip. I don't know if you've seen this movie, but it's so graphically gory that I couldn't get the images from those first few minutes I saw of the movie out of my mind for weeks.

And there are "Boy1" and "Boy2"...wide-eyed, watching the carnage. I asked if they thought maybe the boys should leave the room during the movie, and they told me some nonsense about how the boys never have nightmares. I was appalled and left shortly thereafter.

I don't know that there's anything you can do about it, really, beyond talking to "Grandparents" who certainly don't allow that kind of crap (they raised J and Z to be VERY respectful), although I don't know if that would help, either.

I don't know what to tell ya, but I certainly feel for ya.
on Dec 31, 2005

I don't know that there's anything you can do about it, really, beyond talking to "Grandparents" who certainly don't allow that kind of crap (they raised J and Z to be VERY respectful), although I don't know if that would help, either.

No, grandma's the one who got defensive when I brought the subject up the first time.

I love the little guys to death and also want to keep up a good relationship because, as you also know, the younger son is a nonperson to his parents, sadly, and really could use adults who respect him for who he is

on Dec 31, 2005
With a contingent of folks actively trying to run us our of town


Oh yes there is that...always comes back to that.

Well, short of moving I guess you better get used to your home being invaded by hostile friendlies.
on Dec 31, 2005

Well, short of moving I guess you better get used to your home being invaded by hostile friendlies.

...I don't mind them over most of the time, it's the not knocking that bugs me. If they were teenagers, it'd be another story.

on Dec 31, 2005
No, grandma's the one who got defensive when I brought the subject up the first time.


Wow. That surprises me.

What is it about that particular child that has them all going nutso?

I love the little guys to death and also want to keep up a good relationship because, as you also know, the younger son is a nonperson to his parents, sadly, and really could use adults who respect him for who he is


Oh, they're precious little boys to be sure, and I admire the fact that you're willing to put up with so much for them. It's probably very good for them to see the way you and your wife interact with your children, and maybe your discipline will rub off on them.

We had a kid here who did something similar. He'd just climb over the back gate and come over. Walk in through the back door and *boom* he was there.

He's old enough that when we told him that he couldn't do it anymore he did quit.
on Dec 31, 2005
Unfortunately, talking to the boy is useless. He has already been taught by his parents that he gets to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, simply because he wants to do it. His useless parents have bought into the concept that laziness in parenting is to be commended.

All you can do it lock you doors. Anything else will be taken by the "parents" and "grandparents" as hostility. My guess is they were offended that you wouldn't welcome their "golden child" in your home without attaching all sorts of "rules" in the first place.

~~~~~~

That... or you can call CPS and sic the dogs on the so-called adults. ;~D
on Jan 03, 2006

That... or you can call CPS and sic the dogs on the so-called adults. ;~D

 

...I think you know me better than that, para...lol

on Jan 03, 2006
I had this situation too. Luckily, the boy moved. I felt bad because he was literally just left on his own all day. He lived with his aunt and his cousins were supposed to be responsible for him but they were mean to him. The cousins were in their younger teens.

I did learn to just lock the door. One day he just walked in when I was giving my little one a bath. It scared me to death. It's just a shock to have someone in your house that you don't expect or don't know they're there.

He would also just help himself to food and drinks and that was aggravating too. I don't mind giving the kids a snack but I do mind them thinking they can help themselves.

This is an issue between my husband and I. He thinks that only the parents should correct their own kids. I think if they are messing with my kids or my stuff, I have every right to get on them.
on Jan 03, 2006
This is an issue between my husband and I. He thinks that only the parents should correct their own kids. I think if they are messing with my kids or my stuff, I have every right to get on them.


HAHAHA

I tell all my neighbors up front I am an equal opportunity screamer, if their kids are in my yard and acting up, they get yelled at just like my own!

Funny thing is....despite that...all the kids want to hang here.



2 Pages1 2